A half-court shot should count for 5 points... Just sayin'

"Hey Man! Are you coming to that predestination conference next weekend?"

------"Can I say no?"

"What?"

------"We'll see"

"When will you know?"

------"Right now it's a no... but I'll let you know if have a change of heart."

My other car is a...

I saw an old Datson today with a sign on the door that read,

"WE BUY JUNK CARS! ANY KIND! ANY CONDITION!"

I was tempted to go over and write underneath...

Obviously.

Why not?

Why not?

another door changes everything

Walking out of a restroom is fine...

Walking out of a restroom to see a door across the hall clearly marked "Men's"...

worst moment of my week....

...

and apparently her's too.

It's Science

Getting honked at because you failed to notice your green arrow sets off a chemical reaction in your brain that forces you to immediately test your car's "acceleration while making a hard left" capabilities...

It's Science.

Next Stop

What is the average amount of time that passes between...

"I'm glad I shaved my head, now you can barely even tell that I was going bald"

and...

"I think I might look good with a goatee."

Meanest gift ever

Getting Rosetta Stone as a gift is like receiving a two-year-long errand to run.

And for the next few years when they ask how it's going, you get to remind them of how much you hated their gift.

-----

"Hey Jim! Merry Christmas! Ever wear that sweater I got you last year?"

"Hey Aunt Doris! Yeah I actually wear it all the time."

"Prove it. Say something in sweater."

-----

Did you arrive at this place in error?

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First things first

Cause who reads a post without a picture, apologies for the language.

Ok so the first thing you should do is jump to my brother's blog and read the entire thing. It's generally better than mine and is certainly worth this "unofficial" endorsement.

After that you're gonna want to check out this "unofficial" promo for a new samples app for your iphone. Cause... it's amazing. If your an American that speaks french and he's saying something horrible... I apologize. If you're a Frenchman that speaks french... I'm just sorry in general.

Next on the list... quit watching LOST. There I said it. The current season has quickly become the most embarrassing thing I watch. I know its sacrilege to say such a thing and to all of those whom I've gotten hooked... Im sorry. (No, I don't know when to properly use "whom" but I went for it) I'm not saying Ill never watch it, I'm simply gonna wait to hear some buzz about the final 8? episodes before I stress over DVRs and completely silent viewing environments. Why isn't Ben cool anymore? Why is Richard as confused as everyone else? And why oh why is Hurley not dead yet???

Stare blankly at everyone that tells you they would watch the tour without Tiger. These are the same people that told you they would still watch "The City."

Watch the few good shows still on TV. For me this is "Modern Family," Phil is the only reason you need. "parenthood" actually pretty good, "Parks and Rec" yeah it's now better than 30 rock, and "Southland" when you can find it. I try to watch The Office, but when there's Always Sunny and Arrested Development reruns on the DVR... you gotta go with your heart.

Finally, ask yourself "Why does this bring me so much joy." I'm not even gonna ask if you think this makes me a horrible person.

Sure you could get all of this info somewhere else... but I condense it for you.

parallel universe

Because my parallel parking skills are so good, I'm considered somewhat of a low-level superhero to most of my friends. Around people I don't trust, for fear of exploitation, I am forced to use the alter ego Peter Parallel Parker.